There are rough drafty flaws--people want to know how old the boy is, what color his hair is, the color of his skin. They want much of this info to come to them by watching rather than reading. It's clear that I need a plan for when to show action and when to recount. It is random.
Verb tenses can shift without my intending them to do so. I overuse "had". This has always been a problem for me throughout school.
I am not surprised by the noting of the flaws. I have revised the draft only once.
- action v. account
- establish setting and flow quicker. This version has it taking 3 pp before arriving at the "present of the story". DS, my writing teacher on Thursdays, had a great idea. Begin the whole thing with the boy and el Patroncito in a scene in which he feels the old man is finally warming up to him. End it with packing the car to leave.
- Divergence between narration's complexity and the simplicity of a child's thoughts.
- Watch for the dreaded flashback within a flashback.
- Keeping the boy anonymous?
The most difficult part is that now I have created expectations and am no longer free to range wildly. Things must dovetail. Details need to be consistent. Still, I don't want to get caught up in those points. WRITE ON!